Is anger good for a relationship?
It can be if you skip the blaming, yelling and screaming.
Conventional wisdom has it that anger is destructive to relationships. But the empirical evidence tells a different story. In a study by Howard Kassinove of Hofstra University and his colleagues, when about 750 people were asked to think about recent anger episodes in close relationships, over half (55 percent) reported positive outcomes.
What seems to matter most for anger’s success in the relationship arena is how it’s experienced and expressed. In another study by Kassinove and his colleagues Raymond Tafrate and Louis Dundin of Central Connecticut State University, people who experienced dysfunctional thinking patterns during their anger episode (including things like being excessively demanding and blaming) reported worse outcomes. These thought patterns are associated with a set of even more dysfunctional behaviors, such as yelling and screaming, which do nothing to help the situation. But those who experienced anger in the absence of these dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors were twice as likely to report long-term positive outcomes.
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