Are narcissists more charming?:

standard post
Eric Barker  -  
Comments  -  

Initially, yes. Later on, nope:

On the basis of a realistic behavioral approach, the authors showed that narcissists are popular at zero acquaintance and aimed to explain why this is the case. In Study 1, a group of psychology freshmen (N = 73) judged each other on the basis of brief self-introductions using a large round-robin design (2,628 dyads). Three main findings were revealed: First, narcissism leads to popularity at first sight. Second, the aspects of narcissism that are most maladaptive in the long run (exploitativeness/entitlement) proved to be most attractive at zero acquaintance. Third, an examination of observable verbal and nonverbal behaviors as well as aspects of physical appearance provided an explanation for why narcissists are more popular at first sight. Results were confirmed using judgments of uninvolved perceivers under 3 different conditions for which the amount of available information was varied systematically: (a) full information (video and sound, Study 2), (b) nonverbal information only (video only, Study 3), or (c) physical information only (still photograph of clothing, Study 4). These findings have important implications for understanding the inter- and intrapersonal dynamics of narcissism.

Source: Why are narcissists so charming at first sight? Decoding the narcissism–popularity link at zero acquaintance. from Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

Okay, they’re more charming, but are they more physically attractive?

And if we’re so charmed by them you may be wondering if the traits we prefer in potential mates are the traits we value in ourselves.

Speaking of being attracted to the wrong things, do women prefer men who are already attached?

Join over 240,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here.

Related posts:

How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert

New Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You Happy

New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful


Is never spanking worse for kids than spanking them?

standard post
Eric Barker  -  
Comments  -  

Via blog.newsweek.com

The study asked teens how old they were when their last spanking occurred, and how often they would get spanked as a child. That was cross-referenced against the data on bad outcomes we might fear spanking could lead to years later: antisocial behavior, early sexual activity, physical violence, and depression.

But Gunnoe went farther. She also looked at many good outcomes we might want for our teens, such as academic rank, volunteer work, college aspirations, hope for the future, and confidence in their ability to earn a living when they grow up. Studies of corporal punishment almost never look at good outcomes, but Gunnoe wanted to really tease out the differences in these kids.

What she discovered was another shocker: those who’d been spanked just when they were young ─ ages 2 to 6 ─ were doing a little better as teenagers than those who’d never been spanked. On almost every measure.

Join over 151,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here.

Related posts:

How To Have A Happy Family – 7 Tips Backed By Research

How To Raise Happy Kids – 10 Steps Backed By Science

How To Make Your Kids Smarter: 10 Steps Backed By Science


Do parents know what their kid’s talking about most of the time?

standard post
Eric Barker  -  
Comments  -  

Via blog.newsweek.com

Despite their warm relationships, the families had absolutely no clue what was going on in their each others’ heads in the moment. When asked, the families were wrong about what the spouse or kid was thinking, 76 percent of the time. And these weren’t subtle degrees of difference. A third of the time, the family members weren’t even on the same topic. Only 7 percent of the families were reliably accurate in understanding each others’ points of views─and those families were still right only half of the time.

The kids readily admitted that they were often lost as to what their parents were thinking. The parents, on the other hand, were certain that they knew what was on the others’ minds.

On the whole, adolescents believe their parents are being controlling, more than the parents intend to be. Parents expect that adolescents will be hostile and rebellious to authority, so they overassume that their adolescents are being negative; they read negative intent in adolescents’ ambiguous statements. They don’t believe that kids are accepting responsibility for their mistakes. And as between the parents, they overestimate how much their spouses agree with them, and underestimate the others’ differing points of view.

While this data may appear grim, Sillars is actually very hopeful about his data. Sillars believes that, as long as there’s communication, it’s inevitable that some of it will result in miscommunication. Still, the families’ miscommunication─even as high as it was─wasn’t derailing their overall relationships. The families in his study still had good times together; they still thought of each other very positively.

Sillars also cautions that the way out of miscommunication isn’t simply more conversation. That would be the all-too-easy fix. However, “Contrary to intuition, explicit disclosure does not necessarily lead to greater understanding,” explained Sillars.

In fact, the more the mom or kid said about what a kid was doing, the less a father was able to understand what they were talking about. So volume─be it the loudness or the amount of speech─isn’t the answer.

The main lesson from Sillars is that if what people want to increase understanding between family members,they need to set aside their expectations─both about the person they’re talking to, and for how a conversation will go. They need to be a little less focused on what they are going to say, and more be willing to listen; and they need to be a little less sure that they already know the other person’s point of view.

Join over 151,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here.

Related posts:

How To Have A Happy Family – 7 Tips Backed By Research

How To Raise Happy Kids – 10 Steps Backed By Science

How To Make Your Kids Smarter: 10 Steps Backed By Science


Is peer pressure a good thing?

standard post
Eric Barker  -  
Comments  -  

“…a funny thing happened as Allen continued to follow these kids every year for the next 10 years: the kids who felt more peer pressure when they were 12 or 13 were turning out better.”

Via blog.newsweek.com:

According to every pop theory of adolescence, peer pressure is peril. Being able to resist it should be considered a sign of character strength. But a funny thing happened as Allen continued to follow these kids every year for the next 10 years: the kids who felt more peer pressure when they were 12 or 13 were turning out better.

Notably, they had much higher-quality relationships with friends, parents, and romantic partners. Their need to fit in, in the early teens, later manifested itself as a willingness to accommodate ─ a necessary component of all reciprocal relationships. The self-conscious kid who spent seventh grade convinced that everyone was watching her learned to be attuned to subtle changes in others’ moods. Years down the road, that heightened sensitivity lead to empathy and social adeptness.

Meanwhile, those kids who did not feel much peer pressure to smoke, drink, and shoplift in seventh grade didn’t turn out to be the independent-minded stars we’d imagine. Instead, what was notable about them was that within five years they had a much lower GPA ─ almost a full grade lower. The kid who could say no to his peers turned out to be less engaged, all around, socially and academically. Basically, if he was so detached that he didn’t care what his peers thought, he probably wasn’t motivated by what his parents or society expected of him, either.

Allen has found that vulnerability to peers’ influence can be just as much of an asset as it is a liability. Many of the pressures felt by teens pull them in a good direction ─ they feel pressure to do well in school, pressure to not act childish, and pressure to be athletic. “We think of susceptibility to peer pressure as only a danger, but, really, it’s out of peer pressure that boys learn to take showers and not come to school smelly.”

Join over 151,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here.

Related posts:

How To Have A Happy Family – 7 Tips Backed By Research

How To Raise Happy Kids – 10 Steps Backed By Science

How To Make Your Kids Smarter: 10 Steps Backed By Science


Are women more likely to remember their first pair of shoes than their first kiss?

standard post
Eric Barker  -  
Comments  -  

Via telegraph.co.uk

…more than 92 per cent of women could remember the first shoes they bought with their own money.

Less than two, however, in three recalled the name of the person they first kissed, the survey found.

Also interesting:

An overwhelming 96 per cent of women said they regretted having thrown away a pair of shoes, while only 15 per cent felt sorry at dumping a boyfriend.

More than 1,000 women were questioned about their feelings towards their footwear and what they could remember about their shoes compared to their relationship memories.

Previous research has shown that the average woman has 19 pairs of shoes.

But she only wears four pairs regularly and one quarter of the average woman’s shoes have only been worn once.

One in six women has more than 30 pairs of shoes in their closets, while a third have trouble finding the room to store then all.

On average, women purchase four pairs of shoes per year.

While the majority of women say their shoe buying habits have not created money problems, one in seven have hidden a new pair of shoes from their partner.

Six in ten women have regretted at least one shoe purchase.

Join over 151,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here.

Related posts:

10 things science can teach us about being sexy as hell

10 ways science explains why James Bond is so irresistible to women

How To Flirt — Backed By Scientific Research